PHAN: The Flat Is Empty /1/

The flat is empty.

Physically it isn't. It's full of my things, your things, our things. Things that we have collected over our years together on our travels, presents, homemade gifts to each other which we made one another for Valentines days. The heart keychain I made for our last Valentines together sits on the coffee table with your keys, your wallet and your phone, just where you left them.

Your phone won't stop buzzing, flashing with life. It's still plugged into the wall charging, just like you had left it. I don't want to change anything. At least then I can pretend you never left.

I sleep in your bed, but refuse to sleep on your side. How fair would that be? I curl up against your Totoro each night, crying myself into a hell-filled sleep full of nightmares and flashbacks. Flashbacks to the night at the kitchen.

I will never forget the smile on your face when you told me you loved me; when you told me I was your knight in shining armour but there was nothing I could do anymore apart from to let you go. It took me a while to come around to the idea, well, actually it only took me 10 minutes because /I loved you and would have done anything for you/.

Which is why I used the knife to slice your wrists like you had asked. I cut your left first, asking if you were in pain. You told me no, that you were used to it, yet as I cut deeper I could tell that you were full of hurt. I watched the blood roll down your fisted hand and drip onto the floor as you dropped your arm beside you, placing your right arm onto the table, your eyes scattered with glistening tears. I took a deep breath before taking in all of your facial features that I would never forget, even if I tried. Your raven hair that fell the opposite side to mine that was always so soft to the touch. Your crystal blue pools that were known as your eyes. Your perfect pink lips with your tongue that often poked through, showing your innocent persona. I then did it. I sliced the knife against your right wrist, delving deep enough for it to damage. "I-I-I l-love y-you" You stammered out, eyes still sparkling yet no tears escaped. You were brave, my Lion, much braver than me. I got up and left as soon as you spoke, leaving the flat, leaving you to die alone.

The flat is empty without you, Phil.